This One Time in Peace Corps...

Words of the Day:
un suero- an IV
los riñones- kidneys
renal- adjective, of or relating to the kidneys

...I got a kidney infection! I should preface this by clarifying that I am totally fine now. Thanks Alexander Fleming!  Antibiotics were a top-notch invention!

Absolutely, this was an all around horrible and terrible experience. Worst pain of my life. (Say this in the Gap Yah voice for full pretentious Peace Corps Volunteer effect) But like most things in Peace Corps, it provided some humor, mostly at my own expense. It was almost fun once they gave me painkillers in an IV for a really long time and I just sat around texting everyone I know because I was extremely bored and deranged. Some of the best scenes:

Phone call #1
Peace Corps Doctor: So how bad, on a scale from 1-10, is the pain you're experiencing?
Me: Oh, I don't know probably a 4 or 5. (Imagining other painful things like childbirth or dangling appendages) But I can't really concentrate on anything else. (He definitely missed this statement)
Peace Corps Doctor: So you are able to go about your daily activities?
Me: Oh, not at all. I'm currently curled in the fetal position, close to tears.

In which pain diminishes all of my Spanish comprehension ability
Doctor: something diagnostic something something needle something IV. Go in there.
Me (Unnecessary hysterics): Please talk to my doctor from Peace Corps!!
Doctors on the Phone: Bla de Bla de Bla, no, she only has a regular infection.
Me to PC Doctor: I don't what is going on but I think they want to inject me with something!!! Do I have appendicitis?
PC Doctor: They're going to take a blood sample. And no, you don't have appendicitis.

Phone call #5
Me: So they say I have a kidney infection "bien fuerte (really strong)." I don't really know how precise the bien fuerte diagnosis is, but...
Peace Corps Doctor: That means really bad.
Me: Well yes, obviously I know that, but...
Peace Corps Doctor: Is this your first kidney infection in country?
Me: Err yes, and ever...
Peace Corps Doctor (completely deadpan): Well, there's a first time for everything.

Nurse putting in an IV
Me: What drugs are you giving me? (Trying to make conversation, but also wanting to make sure they weren't giving me something I didn't want. As if I know anything about medicine.)
Nurse: We're giving you an antibiotic. It's a medicine, not a drug.
Me (What I thought): Are you kidding me? Do you think my Spanish is good enough to make distinctions like that at a time like this?
Me (What I said): Ah, yes, sorry, my Spanish isn't very good when it comes to talking about medicine.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Don't try to be tough. Go to the doctor. Especially when health care is free. Or, if you are a PCV, call the doctor. Don't be lazy. Don't assume that you can self medicate all things with lots of water. Don't ignore symptoms and take them seriously. Little things= easy to treat. Big things= not easy to treat. Don't be too busy doing your job to ensure that you will keep living it healthfully.