Jokes

Any of you who have ever had the painful experience of hearing me butcher jokes in person will be pleased that this blogpost is written. Judge for yourselves.

Nica humor can run the gammut from the really dark to slapstick, which makes sense in a country scarred by war and where Mexican comedy is broadcast. Indeed, most of the comedy shows on TV are classic Mexican shows such as El Chavo, Chespirito, La Hora Pico, La Familia Peluche and Derbez en Cuando are pretty popular on weekends. I used to watch a lot more of these programs during training on Saturday mornings with my host mom's granddaughter, Salome, and learned a lot of great double entendres. It was a great way to boost my Spanish skills.

There are several basic trends to Nicaraguan jokes that I've observed. First, there are punny word play jokes, very commonly featured on gum wrappers of a candy called chiclin. Sometimes a little racist, sometimes a little bit sexist or racy, but often very clever. (Ok, maybe not the ones on the chiclin). A second major theme includes intercultural misunderstandings or situtations with power differentials where the person who supposedly has the upper hand does something wrong and gets leveled.

And now without further ado...A few jokes! Probably mostly lost in translation, but you never know.

Old stuff
[From El Gueguense, a famous play/ballet about a cunning indigenous merchant from the colonial era. Sorry for non Spanish speakers, I can't translate this to English without it losing its meaning! Basically the Alguacil keeps asking for money and the merchant keeps "mishearing" him]
Alguacil: ...Primero debo recibir mi salario.
Gueguense: Pescados salados? Ah, muchachos, alli estan las redes de pescados salados...
...
Alguacil: Nada entiendo de pescados salados, Gueguense.
Gueguense: Pues, que es lo que quiere, Senor Capitan Alguacil Myaor?
Alguacil: Reales de plata, Gueguense.
Gueguense: Ah, redes de plato....

[My friend Kleydy upon hearing music that's past its time]
God, that's so old Colombus must have brought it over on his ship!!!

Cornier than a Dad Joke
[Courtesy of a chiclin wrapper]
What's the only country that can laugh and explode at the same time?
JA- PON
(Japan)

[My friend Brian's counterpart teacher William taught us this one, now the preferred English joke of my students in El Tule]
milk a cow= mil cacao (A thousand cacao plants)

Damn Kids
Students: Teacher, how do you say garza in English?
Me: Egret.
Students: How do you say chancho?
Me: Pig.
Students: How do you say cherepo?
Me: Gecko.
Students:  How do you say gasoline?
Me: Um...why are you asking me all these words?
Students: These are our nicknames.
[I now call them by the English version of their nicknames . Guaranteed laughter, every time.]

7th grade student: "Teacher, if por means times and que means what then por que (why) is times what, right?"

[A favorite from Josefa, the Spanish teacher in one of the rural schools where I work]
Primary School Student: Do you know English, teacher?
Josefa: No, honey.
Primary School Student: I know English!!
Josefa: What do you know?
Primary School Student: hippopatamo (Spanish) is hipopataMUS!!!

Intercultural Exchanges
A Nica comes back from the States, showing off all the stuff he got there. Someone asks him if he knows English now. "Sure!" he says. "For example, uno= one. dos= one one. tres= one one one."

[A joke my counterpart teacher Jonathan taught me]
A gringo goes into a typical Nicaraguan restaurant. When it comes time to order, he asks the waiter for the "Mama no se vaya" soup. The waiter is confused and asks him to repeat his order again. The man says again, "I'd like the mama no se vaya soup." The waiter looks at the menu to try and figure out what he's talking about. The man gets exasperated and says, " I want the mom don't go soup!"
(Mondongo is a traditional Nicaraguan soup made from cow stomach)

[Another joke from Jonathan]
A gringo is walking down the street in San Carlos. He sees a vendor with fish and asks in a really bad accent "Pescado?" "No," she replies "Mojarra (A type of fish)."

[Me, getting in on the fun, while getting checked out for ear pain]
Doctor: Have you gone swimming lately?
Me: Well, no, but I did get really wet in a rainstorm yesterday.