I realized today why I freak out so much when I think about my future after college. Oddly enough, I realized this while watching CSI: NY with my host mom this morning. She asked me if there were really gangs in the US. I tried to example some of the realities of inner city America as best as I could, despite not exactly knowing the words for race riot, deindustrialization, undercapacitation, migration, drug trade etc...Thinking all these issues back home made me realize that I am so scared about the future because I can´t decide what area I want to work in, never mind what specific career: I know I want a career that will be oriented towards solving social problems but should I try and make a difference in issues in the US or do I look for something international?
This is my fundamental crisis when it comes to thinking about careers: while it would be possible for me to work in both US and internationally focused organizations or institutions, its fairly undeniable that choosing one will lead me to make connections and develop skills which will concentrate me in one area or the other. Things were so simple when I entered college: I ^knew^ I wanted to work for an NGO, abroad, to ^make a difference^. Now, I´m starting to question that vision. Just one aspect of this- NGOs perpetuate certain cycles of dependence that I´m not totally comfortable with. So do I abandon my original ^good guys^ perception and accept the economic order and go to work for an organization like USAID or the World Bank or the IMF, hoping the greater good will win out? Or do I work on energy or environmental issues in the US or abroad? Do I become a lawyer or a teacher or a social worker or a.......?!?!?
I now know that you don´t have to leave the US to find poverty. So why am I so attracted to the idea of trying to make a difference elsewhere? There`s certainly a certain sex appeal in the idea of working abroad and the levels of poverty and inequality are certainly on a much larger scale, one that the US has arguably played a very active role in creating. Do I try and rectify the problems of the past? I feel like no matter what I end up doing, this will be at its core: rectifying the problems of interventions (economic and political), slaveries, immigration policies or energy policies.
Given the nature of our globalized world, the problems and inequalities in the US, which I truly believe have become a tremendous burden on our economy, have reprocusions elsewhere that we don´t even give a second thought. So by working in the US to rectify problems, am I really maximizing my purpose in the world?
Again, though, following the globalized world argument, in many ways, there is no such thing as a national problem anymore, so no matter where I work, I will be making a difference. Economic poverty in one place can lead to instability and demographic shifts which can lead to even more suffering.
Regardless of all my confusion, being here in Chile has undoubtedly been the right decision. Knowing Spanish will be invaluable no matter where I work as is the experience of living in a country that is ^developing^ and witnessing the debates and challenges that surround this condition.
Just one example of this is the ongoing debate about education policy in Chile. The current education minister is trying to privatize education and this, amoung other issues, has led to tremendous backlash. Today, across the cities, strikes on this and other issues led to much confrontation with the police. I witnessed one example of this at the architecture school. Students were holding a parro, (strike) in which they locked the gates of the school and refused to go to close. To force them to go back to class (I´m supposing), the police came which provoked the students more and lead to things being thrown, the use of a water cannon and just generally a bad use of everyones time in my opinion. While I can identify with the causes the students are fighting for, their actions don´t appear to me to be the best way to accomplish them. Striking every week makes the action loose its potency and throwing things at cops seems immature at best. From my totally safe vantage point, I was glad to finally see what a student strike/police confrontation looked like.
Anyway, short story of this post is, family/relatives/friends, when I make faces ánd evasive comments about what I´m going to do after graduation, it isn´t because I haven´t thought about it, but rather because I have an overdeveloped ability to overanalize things...The more I learn and the more experiences I have during college, the less sure I feel about where my path should lead.
No comments:
Post a Comment