Dear Gentlemen of Santiago,

I have several complaints/requests/pleas which I would like to direct to you.

1. The sucking must stop.
I can tolerate the whistling, the occasional "linda" because usually they're pretty tactful, as catcalls can go...Its a machista culture, I get it, but the absolutely vile kissy sucking noises held out for like 5 seconds are too much. NO woman will ever be attracted by it. CEASE AND DESIST!

2. Make up your minds on the hairstyles.
Long hair, spiked hair and dreadlocks can look fine if done properly, but must all 3 be done at the same time? Life is short, but is it really that short?

3. Please do not attempt to hit on me during my special coffee and newspaper reading time. You will likely be exposed to as much sarcasm as I can muster in Spanish and will not get my real number.

4. To the unfairly attractive suit wearing men of the Law School,
Marry me.

Sincerely,
Emily Clayton